The Black Forest

Reasons I’m bringing back the blog:

Part III: The Autobahn

It surprises me just how many people fear the Autobahn. Don’t get me wrong, there are definitely many people like myself that feel a tingle in their spine and a tightening in their trousers at the mere mention of it’s name, but in general, I find that most people are wary of it. It’s divisive. Tell someone that you’re going to Germany, and they might ask about the food, or the beer, or any number of things you might do while you’re there. But at some point, especially if you’re renting a car and driving, the topic of conversation will inevitably shift towards the autobahn. And the person that you’re talking to will have one of only two distinct reactions:

Reaction #1: A knowing smile, a slight twinkle in their eye, and - perhaps most importantly - a tinge of jealousy in their voice. These are my people. The type of people that understand what the autobahn is. What it represents. And why I am endlessly drawn to her sweet siren song.

Reaction #2: A look of panic, apprehension… fear. The autobahn? The autobahn?! Their reaction alone would suggest that you just told them that you had taken up the hobby of skydiving without a parachute, or were planning to go into a biker bar and shout "Harley’s are for queers." They look at you like you’re stupid, or crazy, and probably both. They beg you not to do it. They think about the family that you might be leaving behind, or the 35th birthday that you’ll never live to see, and they shed a single tear for your soul. Your poor, sad, autobahn-loving soul.

And that is it. Those are the only two reactions. No one has a neutral opinion on the autobahn.

Actually, that’s not entirely true. The people that are the most indifferent about the autobahn are the people that have actually been on the autobahn. The people that have seen and experienced firsthand that it really is not that big of a deal. It’s just a regular system of motorways …that also just so happens to have stretches with no speed limit. Yes, occasionally you might get passed by a Volkswagen station wagon, and, even though you’re doing 170km/h, it still might blow your doors off as if you were standing still. But for the most part, it’s just a highway. Stay in the right hand lane, and you’ll be fine.

More than fine actually. As difficult as it is for some people to believe, the autobahn is actually one of the safest systems of motorways on the entire planet. In Germany, there are on average 4.3 road fatalities for every 100,000 inhabitants per year. That ranks them as the 15th lowest in the world. Lower than Canada (6.0), where we all drive many, many miles per year on the highways without thinking twice. Lower than Belgium (7.2) and barely higher than 14th place Netherlands (3.9) both of which I have also been driving in during this trip, and yet no one raises a single eyebrow when I mention them.

And keep in mind that this is total driving fatalities for the entire country. Urban, rural, autobahn or otherwise. When you factor in that the autobahn is actually only responsible for 13% of Germany’s total traffic fatalities, those numbers start to look even better. Statistically speaking, it’s a lot safer to drive on the autobahn than it is to drive in a lot of places around the world. Certainly much safer than the United States, with it’s 36,166 driving deaths per year (Germany only has 3520). And yet, people still can’t wrap their heads around it. If people are allowed to drive as fast as they want, there just has to be more accidents. It’s the only thing that makes sense.

Our rental car for the majority of the trip. A trusty Audi A3.

Well, maybe not.

Consider this: the speed limit in Canada on most major highways is in the 100 km/h range. And it has been that way for over 50 years. Maybe more. Now, compare the cars that we have today to the ones that were made, oh, say, even just 30 years ago. The very safest car in the world in 1985 probably wouldn’t even pass the minimum safety requirements to be manufactured today. The government safety inspectors would watch the slow motion footage of the dummies going through the windshield, and their stamps would start pounding big red ‘NOPE’s onto their clipboards faster than Mike Tyson’s fists working the heavy bag… or something. I don’t know. My 1985 references might be a little lacking.

If the very safest car in the world in 1985, one that the government would not allow to be sold new today, was deemed able to safely travel at 100km/h back in 1985, how is it that the new cars, with their lane departure warning systems, anti lock brakes, stability control, 10 airbags for the driver alone, and multitude of crumple zones and side impact protection are still only safe enough to travel at 100km/h in 2015?

Well, the obvious elephant in the room is that some people still drive their cars that were made in 1985. And these cars might not even have been the safest on the road made back then, and certainly haven’t increased in safety after the odometer has turned over twice, the hood has been replaced with a sheet of plywood and the rear bumper started being held on with duct tape. Those cars are still on the road, and the 100km/h limit is the sort of ‘lowest common denominator’ law that we use to blanket govern every single person. The sign says maximum 100km/h, and regardless of whether you have a twice-written-off 1973 Ford Pinto or a 2015 Volvo that you probably couldn’t crash even if you tried, that is the law. And when it comes to the law, there is only right and wrong. Only black and white.

But what if laws allowed for some grey area? What if a cop could use this silly little thing called his ‘common sense’ to determine whether your driving was safe or not; whether your car was safe or not? What if you could get pulled over for following too close to the car in front of you, or for staying in the left hand lane longer than was necessary to pass a car on the right, or for having tires that weren’t rated for the speed you were doing? That my friends, is the autobahn. People assume it’s this chaotic mess of anarchy and lawlessness, simply because it has no speed limit. This couldn’t be further from the truth. It is very highly regulated and strictly enforced. Sure, you can drive as fast as you want, but if your car isn’t up to code, or the way you drive isn’t demonstrably safe, you won’t be driving that way for very long before Ze Policía puts a stop to it.

And while that alone certainly helps to increase the safety on the autobahn, consider this philosophical angle as well: How many accidents do you think happen just because people simply aren’t paying enough attention? And I’m not even talking about huge distractions like checking their cell phones or turning around to talk to the people in the back seat. I’m talking about driving tired, or bored, or generally just not paying attention to the road as mile after endless mile passes by and the monotony of the same drive that you’ve done every day for the past 20 years washes over you like slow-sinking quicksand. If you haven’t experienced that in the middle of the three hour drive from Edmonton to Calgary at some point in your life, then I envy you. But I think its safe to say that most of us have.

Now imagine that same situation, but you’re allowed to drive as fast as you want. Consider your mindset as you slowly push the gas peddle towards the floor, and the needle of the speed dial starts climbing close to 200. Are you sitting up a little straighter? Are you more alert, trying to anticipate any cars that might dart out in front of you? Are you glancing more frequently at your mirrors to make sure someone doing 250 isn't flying up behind you? Does your pulse race and do your glands start spraying adrenaline like a sprinkler? Are your hands gripped a little tighter to the wheel? Are they clenched so tight to the wheel that you wouldn't even consider removing them for an instant, let alone for two minutes to play with the dial on the radio? Do you even have the radio on at all? Do you think to take your eyes off the road for even a second to glance over at your phone, let alone pick it up and check it's screen for new messages?

Exactly.

Good drivers, in safe cars, paying extra attention. This is why the autobahn is actually a lot safer than you think. And that’s why I must go to her. For the freedom. For the exhilaration. For pure automotive bliss. For not having to put up with people that ride in the left lane endlessly, staying at 99.9 km/h and never once moving back into the right hand lane to let you or the 30 cars lined up behind them pass until you’re so angry at them that you just want to smash their stupid faces into their stupid windshield over and over again and break every stupid finger in their stupid hands so that they can never use them to hold a stupid steering wheel or operate a motor vehicle ever again…

Ahem [cough]

Like I was saying: Automotive bliss.

Also, while our trusty steed for the trip thus far, an Audi A3, had been a very pleasant and extremely capable vehicle, I figured if we were going to do the autobahn properly, we’d need something with a little more hutzpah. Sure, Audi is a fine German marquee, but is it iconic enough? Is it the one German vehicle that would perfectly encompass what a glorious day on the autobahn is all about? Not really. Which is why this is the car I that I rented for the day:

The Porsche 911 Carrera S

Let’s just say that yesterday on the Nurburgring's short reign as the best 40 minutes of my life only lasted a mere 24 hours before it was surpassed. As the 400 bhp of the 3.8 litre straight six sat at the beck and call of my right foot - on the autobahn, on the winding mountain roads of the Black Forest, on the incomparable Route 500 - I came to discover what automotive bliss truly is.

Also, here's a time lapse of the raw feed of all 200+ km in under 8 minutes. If you struggled to make it through all 5 minutes of the last video, then you should probably skip this one, because it's pretty much just for the die hard readers / car enthusiasts. Also, no teasing me for how little I let Jen drive the car, she wasn't technically allowed to drive it at all, and although I trust her driving completely, it was still just not a risk I could afford to take for very long. These things run $125,000+, and I would be responsible for every dime of it if we somehow got in a crash and they found out that she was behind the wheel at the time.