One Ring to Rule Them All

Reasons I brought back the blog:

Part II: The Nürburgring

Yesterday’s trip to the Abbey was a little disappointing. There’s no way around it. Sure, for the most part it’s more about the journey than the destination. And that’s mostly true here as well. But the fact that I couldn’t buy any beer to bring back with me, and the fact that the beer itself was just not as good as I had spent many months dreaming that it would be… well, as good as the journey was, the destination can’t help but taint the overall experience. That said, don’t feel sorry for me. The Westvleteren XII was only one small reason for this trip, and there were still many other very cool things to see and do along the way. Besides, if there’s anything that can cheer a person up, it’s a giant naked cyclops on the side of the highway.

A. Giant. Naked. Cyclops.

On. The. Side. Of. The. Highway.

Also, the Nürburgring.

In case you’re not familiar, the Nürburgring is a world famous race track in Germany. Built in the 1920’s, it is a spectacular 23 km long track that winds it’s way in and around the small town of Nürburg in the Eifel mountains. Not only is the location spectacular, with lush green forests and a medieval castle overlooking the whole thing, but the track itself is pretty much every car enthusiast’s wet dream. The mountain location means that the track itself has over 1000 feet of elevation changes, with over 150 corners, 80% of which are blind. The weather is famously unpredictable, and it is said that you can go from perfectly dry, to pouring rain, and even to snow(!) all within one lap. Also, because it was built in the 1920’s, when obviously cars were much different than they are today, the safety of this track is much different than that of a modern track. There are no areas for run off in case you come off the track. The only thing to slow you down is about a metre or two of grass and then the wall. And it is said that the slippery grass can actually cause you to speed up more than help you slow down as you come into contact with it. As such, there have been over 70 fatal accidents on the track over the years, and far-too-numerous-to-count non-fatal accidents that have left drivers, race officials and even spectators horribly injured and permanently disfigured. If you recall in the 2013 movie Rush, Niki Lauda’s famous crash took place at the Nürburgring, leaving his face and lungs severely burned. So ya. It’s a dangerous place.

Jackie Stewart once famously dubbed it ‘The Green Hell’ after winning the 1968 German Grand Prix, a name which has stuck with the track ever since. And, after claiming so many lives, and just simply because it was completely irresponsible for the track to continue to be a racing venue when cars had become much too fast for it's ancient design, a new, more modern track had to be added to the south end in the 1980’s in order to create a viable (and safe) racing venue for the future. But the old track - known as the Nordschleife - still remains to this day. In fact, the legendary history of the track has made it an important testing grounds for almost every new car to prove itself upon. Porsche brags about it’s Nürburgring time, and Ferrari responds with theirs. It’s become as synonymous with a vehicle’s performance as horsepower, 0 to 60 time or even Top Speed. If a vehicle has any flaws, no matter how well hidden, the Nordschleife will sniff them out and lay them bare for the entire world to see.

It does the same thing with driver’s too. Any driver not worthy of her glory; any driver that does not show the appropriate respect or revere her mystique; any driver that thinks that they can tame her - they are all immediately and unapologetically chewed up and spit out faster than you can say “Ich entschuldige mich, ich gedemütigt, allmächtiger Nürburgring.” So, of course it makes sense that it’s completely open to the public and anyone can drive on it. And I don’t mean ‘anyone’ as in, once you sign up, get approved, show a clean driving record, a certificate from a recently completed safety course, and then a hand written letter from the Nürburgring Chancellor. No, I mean anyone. It’s legally classified as a ‘one-way public toll road’ which means you can show up in any car, drive up to the starting line, put your money in the toll booth and simply hit the gas once the little yellow arm raises up. That’s it. That’s all it takes. No speed limits, no penalties for aggressive driving, just a pure track experience. So of course, I had to do it.

And it was glorious. Sure, I had done a thousand laps on her in video games, but nothing can prepare you for the real thing. Famous stretches of track, legendary corners… one minute you’re trying to wrap your head around the fact that you just passed through the Fox Hole (Fuchsröhre) and the next you’re dropping into the infamous Carousel (Karussell), all while being passed by Ferrari 458’s and Porsche GT3’s that seem to be doing twice the speed that you are. By the time I had finished the Pflanzgarten and the Schwalbenschwanz, the smile permanently plastered on my face couldn’t have been removed with a hammer. It might very well have been the greatest 40 minutes of my life.

(Yes, I’m aware that 40 minutes is pretty slow. And even though I did two laps, even 20 minutes is still pretty slow. All I have to say to that is… ok, maybe I’m a little slow. In my defense, I was taking it super carefully through corners as I did not want our car to end up like the completely written off one that we saw at the rental place and for me to be like the guys that had put said vehicle - the exact same one as ours - into the wall a few hours earlier.)

Also, kudos to my amazing travel companion Jen (it’s nearly a crime against humanity that it took me this long to mention her in these posts), who not only made the entire trip so much more enjoyable, but also took the videos and pictures while I drove. The Nürburgring does not allow in car cameras, so we had to sneak what little video we could when no one was looking, so don’t judge the shakiness or low framing, she did about as good a job as anyone could in such a situation.